The prompt from Bhala Writers during the Afrobloggers monthly meeting was “Describe the pain someone is feeling ” I forgot the actual prompt but that’s the gist of it. I came back to this because of the Motherhood Series by GirlInSkies
She got up early, as she usually did, right at 630AM. She felt lighter, a little dazed and confused. It was as though she was having an outer body experience. Her head felt heavy, it felt like it did not belong to her. Had it always been that heavy? She felt as though she was balancing a rock on her neck and with one wrong move it would collapse with the rest of her onto the floor. When she tried to focus her vision, a sharp headache forced her right eye closed. Each time she tried to open her eye, she could feel the nerves in her mouth and ear stand in protest. Her teeth hurt terribly and her ear was hot to the touch and a pain so intense emanated from her ear which was only relieved by her cupping her ear and shielding it from the air and noise. With each breath, she could feel the nausea build up. It started as a burning acid in her throat and grew to a sickly sensation that took root at the bottom of her boiling stomach. She had to get a sip of water.
She placed her toes on the ground to grab a glass of water from her night stand. Almost immediately, a piercing pain shot through her leg into her spine. It was sharp, tight and pulsated intensely as it travelled the length of her spine. She wanted to scream but could not, she was frozen in disbelief. She wanted to cry but couldn’t will the tears. She’d never been in this much pain before. Although the pain was concentrated on her back, she could feel it everywhere. A runny mucus flowed from her nose and a agonizing ring sounded in her ears. The high pitched sound moved to the temple of the head and a throbbing headache that felt like someone beating a drum took hold of her left eye. With half of her foot on the ground and the other half suspended she used her arms to support her weight. She was terrified to put her heel on the ground but she knew her arms could only support her for so long, they were already trembling. Slowly, she lowered her heel to the ground and this time, a muscle cramp took ahold and paralyzed her entire leg. She collapsed to the floor. The cramp stood still, tightening with each breath. She tried to hold her breath to release the tightness from her leg but it moved to her chest forcing her to exhale. The cramp untightened slightly and she knew she wouldn’t be able to get to the sink so she forced herself back on the bed and lay on her back, catching her breath.
She turned to her side and a bassinet held in it a little baby who was fussing a little. It all came rushing back to her. She’d had a C section the previous day and welcomed the most beautiful baby girl. She wasn’t in her room, there was no night stand. She was in the hospital and the little baby in the bassinet was hers. As she took everything in, the baby began to cry. First, she cried softly, as though she were unsure and then she committed and screamed. But it was a helpless scream, tired and not very loud. Yet she could feel that she was giving it her all. It pulled at her heart and she so desperately wanted to hold her baby girl, Amahle in her hands. She was afraid of the threatening cramp and pain in her back. What if it returned as she was holding Ana. She wanted to call for help but was too embarrassed to do so. She stretched her arm to reach the bassinet and attempted to rock her baby so she could stop crying. But the crying persisted, ignoring the effort she was making in spite of her pain.
My mother is love
She nourishes like a gentle river
And nurtures everything in her path.
She is fierce too!
When the storm rocks the boat,
She rises to the occasion
Meandering through the valleys of life.
My mother is hope,
Even when it seems impossible,
She breathes love into the heart.
My mother is peace,
She soothes the soul,
She calms the mind,
She silences the storm.
My mother is grace,
When the palm trees cower,
She stands, tall, proud, firm.
She is the giant on whose shoulders I stand.
My mother is God given.
My mother is my love
Mine to walk beside,
Mine to protect and love.
Her eyes filled with tears as she attempted to lift the baby from the bassinet. She did not have the strength to do it. She looked at the nurse call button on the remote next to her. What if they had more urgent matters to deal with? Life or death situations. What if they were busy? This time, the tears flowed. She was overwhelmed. She wailed. She was so confused. If she couldn’t do it here, in a hospital with lots of help available to her, what would happen when she took the baby home? This frightened her the most and forced her tears dry. She had to try again. She remembered that her milk had not come down yet and her baby hadn’t had any nourishment since she had been born the previous night. The guilt consumed her and she was disappointed because there was no sign that her milk had come in yet.
Just as she was about to try and step onto the floor again, the door flung wide open. She knew the back trying to open the door and almost immediately she could feel a burdened lifted off of her. Her partner was balancing a million things on his hands and arms. He had a basket of tupperware filled with every meal he could make in three hours. He didn’t want to be away from his wife and child too long. He had flowers. He had more baby clothes, a baby blanket, a flask with hot milk. He propped her on her bed and handed her a plate of sushi, her favorite. “You deserve this and more — what has it been? 8 or 9 months” He gave her a soft kiss on her forehead and kept his mouth on her forehead longer than usual. She was still in pain, but she felt at ease. He quickly called the nurse to explain she was in pain and also requested a lactation consultant. The nurse was so kind and reassuring and placed the call button in her hands and enocuraged her to call for anything, no matter how minor she thought it was. She felt cared for and safe. The nurse adjusted her IV bag and injected medication for the pain. “Remember, we’re here for you and your cutie pie. Please let us know how we can help.” She’d return throughout the day to check on her and the baby. Throughout the day, a number of specialists came in to check on this and that; for both her and the baby. Billurubin, hearing, healing, blood pressure and her mental health. Her partner handled most of the tests for the baby. He fed both her and the baby, washed them both and held them too. The anxiety of the morning became a stranger and the joy of the season took root in her life. How it would bloom!
